“Always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and twice as beautiful as you’ve ever imagined.” – Dr. Seuss
I was on Facebook the other day, and a picture popped up in my memories timeline. This is where an old photo appears every day on your timeline to give you a blast from the past. Lately, these have been reminders of my ex and I over the years in different adventure and trips. I feel anger well up when I see the memories, but not the heart-wrenching agony that once lived deep inside.
This picture was a selfie I took while I was at Kripalu last year. It’s is a place for personal healing through yoga, healing arts, and food, and also where I go for my education in Yoga Therapy and Ayurveda. When the picture popped up in my news feed, I could not believe what I saw (see the picture above). This picture was taken just a day after my old cat, Arlow, passed away, and two weeks after I had uncovered my ex’s involvement with the other woman. My heart sank for this lady who looked familiar to me. I looked at the pain and heartache hidden behind a forced smile. Her eyes gave away what she was experiencing. I know now what she would go through over the next year and that this was only the beginning of the struggles that she would endure. But she would persevere.
I wish that I could go back and give her a hug, telling her, “My dear, you will be okay.” Or, as my friend Andy says, “italbok” (it will be okay). I would tell her, “You are going to lose everything that you thought was your life, everything that brought you a sense of stability and comfort. You will be so lost and experience losses that you never imagined would ever happen. You will cry so hard that it will take your breath away and your heart will be shattered into a million pieces, and you will feel such deep pain that you will ask if it will ever be one again. BUT my bella lady, (bella means beautiful in Italian), you will survive.”
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” – Neale Donald Walsh
I would tell her, “Instead of succumbing to the pain and losses, you will surrender to life’s lessons and learn more in one year than most learn in a lifetime. You will recover and experience yourself in a whole new way. You are going to meet a man that you will love passionately, and the fire will burn fast and burn out, but in time you will know that that firestorm may have saved you from yourself. You will be at your mom’s bedside as she takes her last breath, surrounded by your family. You will lose a friend, a cousin, and a grandfather. You will learn who your friends are and where they are needed in your life. Some will be intensely involved in your life and continue on, and some will enter as they are needed for your growth. You will learn to write, to paint, to budget, and to live on your own.”
“My dear, you will fully experience you emotions and experiences. You will cry, and you will laugh so hard that you are no longer a master of your own bladder. You will see the inspiration you have become for others, and the studio you built is not failing, as your ex-husband believed, but thriving. You will gain a deep friendship with your housemate. You will someday meet someone who will appreciate you for who you are, and you will be happy.”
“Kamie, make sure to take it slow. Deep breaths… and you will find a deep passion for life and a sense of peace that can come only from true struggle. And one more thing… you will move to northeast Minneapolis.”
“I breathe in All That Is–awareness expanding to take everything in, as if my heart beats the world into being. From the unnamed vastness beneath the mind, I breathe my way to wholeness and healing. Inhalation. Exhalation. Each Breath a “yes,” and a letting go, a journey, and a coming home.” – Breath of Life by Danna Faulds
Today, I breathe with the breath of freedom—freedom to be the person that my dharma is calling me to be. I see the advice and wisdom of my friends, my counsel, playing out. My life has changed so much. I will have the freedom to do whatever I want and live in the culture of this beautiful city. I could never have imagined that it would ever be as it is today.
I am strong
I am successful.
And I am happy.