I have my moments of feeling lost on my journey, not knowing who I can trust. I have felt pain so deep that I never wanted to love again because the last person I gave my heart to destroyed it. I have often believed that true love is only in movies because the universe willingly hurls me into another lesson rather than granting me blessings of peace. I feel the pressure of societal expectations that remind me that I am childless, divorced, and alone in my 40’s. I have felt like giving up so many times that I have lost count. Then and only then, I would never deal with the pain of loss or open my heart to another.
My mind desperately tries to control my heart, pointing out how every relationship can and will go wrong. My mind wants me to focus on my inadequacy and the scarcity in my life.
My experiences, as painful and raw as they have been, led me to this point. I am grateful to be in the season that I am right now, that I have the strength to redirect the spiraling thoughts that attempt to take me down the rabbit hole of despair. Within my powerful soul, I discover courage. My heart fights back. I trust my intuition even when my logical mind can’t grasp it.
The universe has my back.
I have picked up the piece of my life that was once scattered all over the ground. I breathe slowly, putting them in a slightly different position to build a new life one piece at a time. I love my eclectic self. I am worthy of love and will experience it on a deep and profound level.
I understand that not everyone deserves to love me or be loved by me.