“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” – Luke 6:31
There’s nothing like wisdom from the Good Book giving me guidance that can be applied into my daily life. I have been thinking about what this means for me. I find myself divided between the collective yogini that I have become and the angry wife that surfaces when the situation with my ex-husband becomes difficult. He is the one person that knows me better than anyone-or at least he did two years ago before he left for Afghanistan. He is able push buttons that very few people know about and twist the dagger in so easily. As we finish our legal divisions, I think about what I truly need to do in order to continue my life. Am I living in a past that no longer exists, especially when my future is so promising? Do I need to be demanding and attempt retribution what he did, or do I roll over in submission and take whatever he offers as compensation for his choices. While thinking this over the last few months, I found a possible third option: to ride the narrow line that divides rolling belly-up in compliance to him and being a defiant bitch.
Sir Isaac Newton states in his third law of motion, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” I see this as an opportunity to practice the effects of karma. At this time, it refers best to my karmic bank account. My actions will reflect my karma, which is an action, bringing upon myself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in the next. Do I really need to write a karmic check that could eventually bounce, causing me more grief later down the road? I would rather make deposits into this “bank account” of sorts and rely on a future of abundance, balance, peace, and love.
One of my closest friends is being challenged with false accusations and “baby mama drama.” Bennet struggles with the balance of starting a new life and the incriminating lies from the mother of his children. All he wants is to move on with his life, to be a good father to his children, and to find love.
I think to myself, “Why would any woman want to be pigeon-holed into that category?” It is a place of living in the past and attempting control another person’s the future, in this case, using his kids as leverage. Bennet often finds it difficult to hold his tongue while facing the dishonesty, but he knows that an outburst of anger makes him look unstable and guilty. The more he tries to clear his name, the greater the risk of being hurt further. From the outside, I see the false accusations make him question himself, and leaving him to feel helpless and exhausted. Why would the mother of his children say so many hurtful things that are not true?
Bennet said to me one day, “I don’t like the hatred that I feel and how angry I am with the mother of my children. It’s like she has vengeance on me.” He paused for a moment before continuing, “She continues to lie and portray herself as a victim. It’s sad that she continues to slander, and it’s up to me to fight through this nightmare legal process and nothing happens to her. I feel helpless and exhausted.”
Frequently, a person who has made false accusations about another truly believes what they say is true even if what they say is distorted or misleading. These people know you very well, have been a part of your life, and oftentimes are the people for whom you have let your guard down. You have been vulnerable to this person out of trust and love, and they know what they can do to attack your character. These people know your Kryptonite. You find yourself angry and resentful towards these people and lose yourself dreading the next interaction with this person who clearly has it out for you.
Medical Doctor Michael Bennett’s first law of insanity dictates that attempting to force sanity on an insane situation just adds to the inanities, power, and momentum. My friend and I are better off communicating calmly and only when absolutely necessary via text message or with the presence of a councilor or lawyer. This will limit liabilities that we could be accused of later, preventing us from saying words that we cannot take back and will later cause regret. In interactions with our exes, we focus on stating our differences if needed, but without being confrontational, defensive or trying to lash back. This also shows that the other person no longer has control over the course of our lives, thus taking the power away from them. Although enduring the accusations is painful, often making us feel weak and debilitated, time will pass and the truth will reveal itself.
I know that I am not in control over my ex-husband’s actions, but I can keep my focus on my ultimate goals, balancing my life and embracing the freedom to start over and move on. I need to keep in mind that unfairness is real and closure is not. Closure may never happen because there are too many factors that are out of my control. But, I do know that I will not regret the time and effort that I have put into my personal growth and through the evolving journey of my life. I am working to fill my karmic bank account with productive and positive transactions and not writing checks that cannot be cashed.