Over the last month I have been packing my life into boxes. It is amazing the amount of accumulation and memories we have in our lives. It is a difficult realization that I will not have a home in my life right now. It is not something I ever had to deal with before so maybe this will be one of those life-changing experiences that will create more growth in my ever-evolving life.
I packed up pictures that hold memories attached to him that I have no idea what to do with. Do I throw them away? Do I keep them? Why would I keep them if they’re of no relevance for my future? Once the final papers are signed, he will no longer be a part of my life. We have nothing that will bring us back together, not even friendship. He has made it clear that I mean nothing.
I visited with a church counselor a little over a month ago. I needed to talk to a neutral person about my struggles and my roadblocks. I didn’t want to wear my friends out with all of my mental and emotional conflicts. I also knew that I didn’t want to hang on to the pain and suffering that was ripping my soul into pieces.
The counselor knew very little about me and asked questions about my past and my relationship with my husband. I told him about previous relationships and my life in a nutshell. I explained how my learning disability was a challenge that I over came with determination. My parents always said, “If Kamie wants something bad enough, she will get it. Or if she is challenged in some way, she will accomplish it.” Then he reviewed the information that I had told him and come to the conclusion that I was on the right track, and my ability to adapt and learn from my experiences was inspiring.
I looked at him and said “Now what?”
He replied, “Well you are on the right track, and you need to continue doing what you are doing.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “Let me ask you this: what do you think God’s calling is for you in life?”
I thought for only a moment and the words flowed out “I think that I am supposed to work with people, especially women, that are going through similar conflict in life. Teach self empowerment through life choices and personal practices.”
He looked at me and smiled. “I believe you are on the right track.”
Adapt, evolve, and reflect are now friends of mine. The life that I thought I had no longer exists, but I have learned a lot about who my true friends are. I never expected the support and the love from so many wonderful people. I am thankful for my practice, as it has guided me through life challenges. I now pack my life into boxes, determined for my next adventure in life.
Evolution: the gradual development of something, especially from something simple to more complex.
Adapt: to make something suitable for a new use or purpose, modify, or become adjusted to new conditions.